How to Make Peace with Sleepless Nights: Acceptance as a Sleep Strategy
Let’s talk about something that most people dread: those nights when you just can’t sleep. You know the ones—you’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, frustrated, restless, and counting every minute you’re not asleep like it’s a personal failure. I’ve seen this pattern play out in my patients and clients over the years, from Navy SEALs to entrepreneurs. Sleepless nights aren’t just exhausting; they can feel like the ultimate betrayal of your own body.
But here’s the truth: trying to force sleep is like trying to catch a feather in a hurricane. The harder you chase it, the further it drifts away. And here’s where most people make a critical mistake—they turn sleeplessness into a battle. They fight it. They worry about it. They obsess over how little time is left before the alarm goes off. That stress and frustration? It’s a one-way ticket to a vicious cycle of insomnia.
So, let me introduce you to a better strategy: acceptance.
What is Acceptance?
Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s not waving a white flag and deciding to just live with poor sleep forever. Acceptance is about shifting your mindset. Instead of fighting sleeplessness or trying to will yourself to sleep, you allow yourself to stop resisting the fact that you’re awake. When you do this, you release stress and tension—and that opens the door for sleep to show up naturally.
This approach aligns with something called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). ACT is all about embracing what you can’t control (like those occasional nights of tossing and turning) and focusing your energy on what you can control—how you respond to it.
Why Fighting Sleep Doesn’t Work
Let’s get into a little physiology. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are your body’s “go” signals. They’re designed to keep you alert and reactive—great if you’re in a dangerous situation, but not so great when you’re lying in bed at 3 a.m. If you’re mentally beating yourself up about being awake, you’re actively raising those stress hormones, keeping your body and brain in an alert state. That makes sleep almost impossible.
On the other hand, when you accept the fact that you’re awake and stop trying to force yourself to sleep, you lower those stress signals. Your body moves closer to a relaxed state, which is where sleep becomes possible.
How to Practice Acceptance During Sleepless Nights
Let’s break this down into practical steps you can use the next time you find yourself wide awake:
1. Start with the Basics: Don’t Look at the Clock
The first thing to do is stop clock-watching. Knowing it’s 2:37 a.m. and doing the mental math about how little sleep you’re going to get isn’t helping you. In fact, it’s making things worse. Cover the clock or turn it away from you. You don’t need to know what time it is—it’s irrelevant.
2. Drop the Narrative
When you’re lying awake, your mind loves to spin stories:
- “If I don’t sleep, tomorrow is going to be a disaster.”
- “This always happens to me—I must be broken.”
- “Why can’t I just sleep like a normal person?”
Stop feeding these thoughts. Recognize them for what they are: unhelpful noise. When they pop up, acknowledge them but don’t engage. It’s like letting a bird land on your shoulder without inviting it to stay.
3. Focus on Relaxation, Not Sleep
Here’s the key: your only goal during a sleepless night is to relax, not to sleep. Do something that calms your body and mind. Try deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or a meditative technique. One of my favorites is box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold for four counts, and repeat.
Remember, relaxation is productive. Even if you’re not asleep, you’re reducing stress hormones and allowing your body to recover.
4. Shift Your Perspective: “This is Time for Me”
Instead of seeing sleeplessness as a problem, try reframing it as an opportunity. You’ve got a quiet, uninterrupted space to simply be. Reflect, meditate, or pray if that’s your thing. Some of my clients use this time to mentally organize their thoughts or even just lie still and enjoy the calm.
5. Trust the Process
The moment you stop fighting sleep and focus on simply relaxing, you’re setting the stage for sleep to arrive. It may not happen immediately, but your body knows how to sleep. It’s wired into your biology. Trust that it will happen when it’s ready.
The Long-Term Benefits of Acceptance
When you practice acceptance, you’re training your brain to associate bedtime with calmness and relaxation instead of stress and anxiety. Over time, this reduces the frequency and severity of sleepless nights. You’re building resilience, not just for sleep but for life.
And here’s a bonus: acceptance isn’t just a tool for sleepless nights. It’s a strategy for navigating stress, uncertainty, and all those moments in life when things don’t go according to plan.
Building Resilience, One Night at a Time
Sleepless nights happen—it’s just part of being human. Whether it’s stress, a major life event, or one of those inexplicable restless nights, remember: you’re not broken, and this won’t last forever. By choosing to embrace wakefulness rather than battle against it, you create the conditions for calm—and eventually, sleep—to naturally return.
And remember, it’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. Every time you choose acceptance over resistance, you’re making it easier for your body and mind to do what they’re naturally designed to do.
Here’s to peaceful nights, however they unfold.
Sleep Remedy
CAPSULES
Doc Parsley’s Sleep Remedy is a natural sleep aid, formulated with a blend of calming nutrients to help you fall asleep faster and improve your sleep quality. Doctor-developed and recommended, it’s non-habit forming and safe for daily use.